Date: February 14, 2015

Venue: Inside the Presidential room

Time: 7am

President Jonathan and his wife, Mama Peace, under the blanket. She looks at her husband, sees him wide awake, sits up.

Dame: My Ebele, goot morin my Kings.

GEJ: (Grunts) Morning.

Dame: When did you woked up?

GEJ: (winces) Wake up? No be person wey sleep go wake up?

Dame: Ah! My husbands, is it because of what those Mbaka mans say? Don’t mind the mans, he is only angry because he wanting to collet my number and I gives him that of the pastor.

GEJ: You should just have given him the number! Now see where we are.

Dame: (hugs him closer) My Kings, see forget everythings the mans say. Do you remembers today is Falantine Day? Where will you takes me?

GEJ: (disentangles himself and feels her temperature) Valentine’s day? See, you this woman, don’t try my patience today o.

Dame: But Ebele, why are you treats me like this? When last did you takes me out? Real take out o, not to where they will be shouting “Thief” and “Ebere Jolanthern” o, as in real takes me out. If you won’t even do it for anybodys else, think of me and our childs.

"Woman, as far as I'm concerned, Valentine can forgive us for missing this year's celebration. We have always celebrated in grand style and he knows that."

Dame: (drags GEJ’s sleeve) Ebele! Ebele! Ebele! How much times do I calls you? Falantine may forgives you for overlooking today, but I won’ts. Inside this colds? Don’t you have pity for me?

GEJ: Woman, stop being a drama queen. If the cold is much, you can either join me to drink my early morning usual, my almighty kain-kain, or call Femi Fani-Kayode to come over, I heard he is a machine. (Checks the giant clock on the wall) Femi should be here soon sef.

Dame: Ebele, how can you says something like that? You want me to call Femi? That notorious do and tell mans? Is it because I haven’t been said anythings, you thinks I don’t knows what’s going on between you and Deziani and Stella? I knows o.

"Mama Peace, just leave me this morning o. We are talking Buhari, you are talking Valentine? If that man mistakenly win, we will have to go on exile. America no go wan gree make we enter because I signed that anti-gay bill into law. Palestine sef still dey vex about that voting thing."

Dame: Ok my loves. Let me go and dress up, go out and begs the Nigerian peoples to vote for my husbands. (stands up)

GEJ: (drags her down) Mba, Mama Peace, that will not be necessary. The best place you can be is inside this room. I will tell Femi to come and see you sharp sharp and I will make sure he signs a non-disclosure agreement so that he doesn’t broadcast what happens between you two like he did with Bianca. (leaves the room, then peeps back in) And Mama Peace, please don’t exhaust him, we need him to sing today. You heard what Baba said about his singing skills when you keep him satisfied.

Dame: I haf hears you my Kings. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob will gives us victory.

GEJ: You mean the same one that Mbaka said will give Buhari victory?

Dame: You are still talks about Mbaka, I haf telled you that he is just angrying about my number. He said the truth the first time I went; he already say that what he saids the second time is spiritual drama.

GEJ: (Storms out) Reuby! Where is my morning drink?

Reuben Abati: Ehm… oga, your coffee is ready. It’s on…

GEJ: …coffee for who? Is Hillary visiting again? If you don’t want me to curse you with Amadioha and empty that hot coffee on your head, take it away from me and bring me my mixture of kain-kain and paraga. Nonsense! I think that mallam has bribed all of you sef. Just let him win, all my small small change of 20 million that you are taking and I am turning blind eye, let that aboki win, you will be in kirikiri before the next day. I am a new breath of fresh air; but you will never appreciate me until I’m gone. God forbid.